Welcome to this episode of the podcast. You might have noticed that we've had a little bit of a break over the summer. Life has been quite busy in the cowl household. We've done a bit of gallivanting, we've had the tent out a couple of times, and there has been the occasional life event here and there, which includes the fact that I am now no longer the mother of children, but of adults Anyway, all of that meant that it was appropriate to take a little bit of a podcasting pause. But we are back and looking forward to sharing some episodes with you this autumn. So this episode I'm actually going to share with you some excerpts from the audio version of my book, Finding God's Feminine Side.

If this inspires you to want to get the whole book, then you can get it on Audible. Or if you'd like written words and you like a print or a Kindle version, then Amazon will be delighted to supply you with such a thing So what I'm going to do is I'm going to share the introduction to the book, which gives you a bit of an idea about what it's about, and then actually some sections about Jesus. So the book explores the fact that if we are all created in God's image, all of us, women as well as men, then we should expect to find within God the feminine as well as the masculine. And I believe that we can find that in all three persons of the Trinity. So in these sections, the book explores where we can see the femininity in God incarnate in the person of Christ.

and then actually looks at Jesus' approach to women and to masculinity. So without further ado, here is your excerpt. Feminine wisdom. There is a fascinating character called Wisdom who turns up in Proverbs. She is portrayed as having a character rather than being a character trait and is clearly divine.

She gets about nine chapters in Proverbs, all to herself. She says, The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works. I was formed long ago when he marked out the foundations of the earth. Then I was constantly at his side, I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, rejoicing in his whole world, and delighting in the human race. We are told that, by wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place.

I'm encouraged that wisdom is so clearly identified as she. You see, while all the extraordinary and beautiful childbirth and womb and breast imagery is undeniably female For those of us who haven't actually had to use our wombs and breasts for the purposes of procreation, it leaves us potentially feeling a little left out. Being a woman is not just about breasts and wombs, any more than being a man is just about beards and penises. I want to know what being female, created in God's image, means when you take away the procreating bits. We've already seen some of that as we thought about the Holy Spirit. In the person of wisdom, we get some more clues. Above all, there seems to be a creative intelligence as well as a grounding in nature. Wisdom is a tree of life to all who take hold of her.

Proverbs 3. 18 It's not for nothing that the natural world has long been associated with feminine spirituality in so many cultures and for so long. There is a deep connection between nature and the she of God. Hildegard of Bingen envisions feminine divinity as the ground of all being. I heard a voice speaking to me. The young woman whom you see is love.

She has her tent in eternity. It was love which was the source of this creation in the beginning when God said, Let it be, and it was as though in the blinking of an eye the whole creation was formed through love. The young woman is radiant in such a clear, lightning like brilliance of countenance that you can't look at her She holds the sun and the moon in her right hand and embraces them tenderly. Hildegard of Bingen. Central to Hildegard's theology is the concept of a life force that she calls Veriditas, often translated as greening, which flows through the green and sap of nature, gives life to all living things, and also flows through the soul She says, I am the one who prays echoes on high.

I adorn all the earth. I am the breeze that nurtures all things green. I encourage blossoms to flourish with ripening fruits. I am led by the Spirit to feed the purest streams. I am the rain coming from the dew that causes the grasses to laugh with the joy of life. I call forth tears. I am the yearning for good Veridicess, Hildegard of Bingen. She encourages people to recognise that divine verdancy both within themselves and within nature. She says, Good people, most royal greening verdancy, rooted in the sun, you shine with radiant light glance at the sun, see the moon and the stars, gaze at the beauty of earth's screenings.

Now think what delight God gives to a humankind with all these things And Hildegard believes that this viriditas becomes vibrantly bright green when it's expressed through the beauty of sex, a detail which roots her theology in the earthiness, the embodiedness of life. Hildegard lived in Rhineland, Germany in the 12th century, and you can imagine being with her amongst the deep green of the Rhine Valley as you read her poetry. She beautifully reflected the divine wisdom we meet in Proverbs. A Benedictine abbess, she was the ultimate polymath, herbalist and healer, a naturalist, theologian, poet, composer, dramatist, and mystic. Her huge body of writing included significant works on medicine and nature, as well as mystic writings, biblical commentary, and hundreds of letters, poems and songs. She wrote musicals, invented a language, mentored other monastic leaders, and went on a preaching tour.

She was a shrewd political operator, moving her abbey away from the monastery where it was originally situated, in order to gain more independence and getting away with more influence than was usually accorded to people her gender by claiming to be just a humble woman who was only reporting her visions. I can't help but hear Hildegard in the words of wisdom in the book of Proverbs. I possess knowledge and discretion, counsel and sound judgment are mine. I have insight, I have power. By me kings reign and rulers issue decrees that are just.

By me princes and nobles govern, all who rule on the earth. I walk in the way of justice, along paths of righteousness Proverbs 8. It is noticeable that the things with which the character of wisdom is credited are all things from which women have been excluded over the centuries Science, engineering, acquiring knowledge, making laws, holding positions of power, dispensing justice. Wisdom introduces us to a divine feminine creative intelligence at the heart of the universe Jesus and Wisdom.

If any member of the Trinity could be described as obviously male, it would be Jesus, wouldn't it? But in actuality it's not quite as simple as that The wisdom character we've been meeting in Proverbs sounds remarkably like Christ, the word through whom God created. In fact, Paul explicitly says that Christ is the power and wisdom of God. 1 Corinthians 1. 24. Theologians through the centuries have thought that Christ and wisdom are one and the same. Augustine made this link very strongly, seeing Christ as wisdom incarnate Daniel Ebert, writing for the Gospel Coalition, which is nothing if not conservative in its outlook, also makes the connection.

In the Old Testament Wisdom undergirds the whole creation. In the New Testament, like Lady Wisdom of Proverbs 8, Christ is identified with the work of creation, but far exceeds that role as sovereign lord of the universe. This is not, of course, to claim that Jesus was really a woman. It is simply to say that Jesus, as God incarnate, embodies the whole of the person of God and not just the characteristics that we would regard as masculine If wisdom is Christ and Christ is wisdom, then within the incarnation is the feminine as well as the masculine. We can expect to see in Jesus femininity as well as masculinity. The full nature of God incarnate in Jesus, not just the bloke bits, but the whole fullness of God. Feminine Jesus?

You are probably familiar with those pictures that are designed to be seen as more than one thing. Perhaps the most famous is the picture which, when you look at it, could either be seen as an old woman or a young woman Whichever picture you see first will probably be the only one you see until someone points out that there is another if you change your perspective After a bit of puzzling and squinting, you suddenly see the thing you couldn't see before. Now you can see one or the other at any one time, and you can flick between them. But it's difficult to see both at once, particularly at first, without the whole thing becoming a confusing muddle. Once you can see one picture, if you want to see the other, it often helps to close your eyes and then look again. So if you see the young woman, you close your eyes, you look again, you can see the old woman The same is true as we look at Jesus.

Jesus, the incarnate one, embodies all that is God, both male and female. But we are probably not going to be able to see all of it at once without getting brainache So I'm going to invite you to humour me for a moment and look at Jesus again, to give yourself permission to see Jesus as sister, as well as brother, as wisdom and El Shaddai incarnate. You may well find that it helps you to spot things you haven't seen before. Here is Jesus on the beach after the resurrection making breakfast for his disciples. We see Jesus the man barbecuing for his friends.

We can imagine the no-frills convivial breakfast of men, throwing some fish on the fire, and eating with relish after a hard night's work. The camaraderie between working men, conversation, banter. Close your eyes for a moment to look again. Here is Jesus, the sister and mother, with loving concern for the friends who have been fishing all night The maternal love of one who wants to make sure they get a decent meal after a long night working and who is eagerly awaiting their return. Jesus comes upon the funeral procession of a young man. His heart beats with the fathers, and he stops, raises the young man to life, and gives the son back to his mother. Now she will be protected and cared for Look again.

Do we also see Jesus' heart beating with the compassion of our mother in heaven? Jesus understands and feels deeply for the agony of a mother who has lost a son. Stirred with fellow feelings for this woman, who has already buried her husband, Jesus cannot walk by, and cannot allow the story to end this way. The young man is raised to life, and the widow of Nen goes home with her son. We find Jesus with the woman at the well, a man making a straightforward practical request for some water, a man who refuses to bow to nonsense or social costums, who refuses to see this woman as less or as an outsider, we see him engaging her in conversation. Then we look again, and we notice a feminine sensitivity and emotional intelligence in Jesus' conversation.

Wisdom knows instinctively what has gone on for this woman. She feels for her, and she speaks words of truth in just the right way She is blunt but not too blunt, assertive but not pushy. She gently brings wisdom and insight, and the woman finds life and healing and wholeness. So overcome with joy at the encounter is Jesus that the food the disciples have brought back for lunch is not needed. Here is Jesus talking with Nicodemus, two rabbis together engaged in theological debate But look again, here is wisdom, taking the conversation in an utterly unexpected direction, not talking dry theological theory, but telling Nicodemus he must be born again of the spirit. Seeing beyond and beneath the academic theological discussion to Nicodemus's need for relationship. Here is love and passion and intuition and earthiness.

Here is talk of birth and new life, and Nicodemus finds himself gently chided for not understanding. I find that once I begin to notice Jesus' femininity, I start seeing it everywhere. Here is a story that suddenly seems full of it. Jesus sends the disciples out to preach and to heal. When they come back, presumably tired, Jesus wants to make sure that they get space to eat and rest The crowds are making that impossible for either the disciples or Jesus, so Jesus suggests that they go and find a quiet place where they can do both. They get in the boat, but the crowds have worked out where they are heading and run along the coast of the Sea of Galilee, arriving at Jesus' destination before the boat does. Confronted by the crowds, Jesus has compassion for them and spends all day teaching them. The disciples eventually suggest to Jesus that the people should be sent away so they can get food.

But instead of sending them away, Jesus sorts out dinner, and this incident becomes known as the feeding of the five thousand. By now we are at the end of what must have been an exhausting day. It's worth noticing that along with everything else, Jesus is carrying the weight of grief. It's not that long since John the Baptist, his cousin, was murdered on Herod's orders Sorrow is tiring, and Jesus, too, needs time alone to be with God. Still mindful that the disciples haven't had their intended downtime yet, Jesus sends them ahead in the boat and takes on the job of dismissing the crowds So the disciples will get the space and the rest they need, and he will get some time alone. Finally, having had some time to pray, he sets off to walk across the lake by himself, intending to meet the disciples later on the other side of the lake When the disciples are understandably terrified at the sight of their friend walking towards them across the surface of the lake in the dark, Jesus cuts short his walk, joins them in the boat, and gently reassures them.

You can find the story in Mark VI. The reality of competing demands like the ones portrayed in this story is familiar to so many women. that repeated experience of thinking you have done all that needs doing for everyone, only to discover that you can't sit down yet because someone else needs something that only you can give. Love and compassion demand that you keep finding the energy and the strength from somewhere. So many women can identify with this day that refuses to end. As I seek to follow Jesus, the compassionate one, it helps to remind myself that Jesus did find a way to get the space, the time alone that he needed. albeit that it was cut short, and it took quite a bit of creativity to do it. There are lots of mothers who share his feeling that the only way to get a bit of peace might just be to walk across a lake Seeing Jesus' femininity like this helps me to ground my sense of self in my identity in Christ, knowing that Jesus understands my struggles and challenges because he has walked this human life too.

How Jesus related to women. All the conversations I've had about the roles of men and women, all the sermons I've heard All the views I've seen expressed about what it means to be a woman and a follower of Jesus have been through the lens of that culturally loaded passage in Ephesians about husbands and wives. It has nearly all been centred around the concept of submission, either arguing for it or explaining why it shouldn't be taken as applying to today. When our conversation about men and women starts and ends with our ideas about submission and power, then we are missing something. Surely, surely the place to start is with Jesus. But in all the years I've been around churches, none of the thinking I've been exposed to has started with Jesus and the women around him. What a different perspective we get if we take these encounters between Jesus and women as our starting point.

When we start with Jesus, submission as an issue, unsurprisingly, suddenly disappears from view. So what do we see instead? In my formative years as a Christian, I absorbed a view of ideal Christian womanhood that was marked mainly by quietness, submission, and needlework, none of which I am particularly good at. particularly not the needlework. If you want a sampler making, I am definitely not your woman. I might not have fit the model, but it was there all the same, looking at me with disappointment over a pair of glasses, from somewhere in my subconscious. reminding me that I didn't quite measure up, so it has been joyful to look at the relationships between Jesus and the women around him, to see what he drew from them and what he affirmed in them, and, by extension, what he might want to affirm in me. The first thing I noticed was their emotional honesty and boldness, particularly when you compare them to the men.

We are often told that the men dare not ask Jesus things, so when the disciples come back from looking for food in a Samaritan village, and find Jesus talking to a Samaritan woman, we are told that they were perplexed, perhaps even scandalized, that he would be talking to a woman, but none of them dared challenge him about it. This is in direct contrast to the woman herself. Jesus asks her for a drink, and the very first thing she does is ask him what on earth he's doing speaking with her, a Samaritan woman.

when he is both male and Jewish. Throughout their incredibly frank conversation she is not afraid to ask challenging questions. When he tells her about the water of life, she said she'd like some of that She raises the issues of controversy between Jews and Samaritans without embarrassment or hesitation. Then she enthusiastically runs back to her village to passionately and honestly share the news of her encounter with Jesus, and they all come to meet him for themselves. Then there are his friends, Mary and Martha. Mary has no qualms, it seems, about taking the position of a disciple and sitting at his feet despite the fact that Jesus is in her house, and there are hospitality related duties to attend to.

Perhaps she thought they could sort dinner out later, when the talking was done. Perhaps she was simply interested and absorbed and wanted to listen. Martha is equally bold in her willingness to challenge Jesus to tell her sister off on the grounds that there is much to do and Mary really ought to be helping out. It is interesting that Jesus affirms Mary's choice and effectively gives Martha the opportunity to join Mary and leave the cooking until later. When their brother Lazarus dies, and Jesus arrives too late to prevent his death, both Mary and Martha tell him what they think. If he'd been there, they tell him accusingly, Lazarus would not have died. Of course, Lazarus didn't stay dead, but neither of them knew that his resurrection was in the offing when Jesus eventually arrived.

They were not slow to tell him what was on their minds. Mary, Jesus' mother, is similarly bold with Jesus at the wedding in Cana. She knows that he can sort out the beverage shortage and organises for him to do so without even consulting him first. Hence the comment from Jesus Woman, why do you involve me? My time has not yet come. Interestingly, whether he was planning to help out or not, Mary gets her way, and the wine is replenished. Then there is Jesus and the Syrophoenician woman.

I've always been perplexed and somewhat unsettled by the conversation between Jesus and this Gentile woman. She begs him to heal her daughter, who is possessed by an evil spirit. He says he hasn't come for people like her, but for the Jews. The food meant for the children, he tells her, shouldn't be thrown to the dogs. You really can't get more rude and insulting than that. His comments smack of the worst kind of racism, quite honestly. She doesn't take it lying down. Even the dogs, she says, get the crumbs from under the table. It's a retort that is both bold and quick witted.

Jesus compliments her on her reply and says that she can go because her daughter is healed. I don't for one moment believe that Jesus was intending to insult or belittle this woman. It would have been utterly out of character for that to be his intent Who knows what subtext is going on between them? They seem to me to both rather relish the exchange. I get the impression that Jesus is actively encouraging the woman to be bold and outspoken. She quickly takes up the invitation.

The boldness and emotional honesty in these encounters is in interesting contrast to many of the conversations between Jesus and men in the Bible. Women seem to be willing to ask difficult questions because they want to know the answers. Men are often avoiding difficult questions, unless they are Pharisees trying to trap him or to make a point. We don't get any examples of women who were afraid to ask. Around Jesus, women are free to be themselves. They are bold, unapologetic, and passionate. We have some beautiful stories of women who offer their adoration in incredibly intimate ways in public. At Simon the Pharisee's house, Jesus is anointed with tears by the woman at his feet. Later, a woman comes and pours a jar of very expensive perfume over his feet.

The men present don't approve, but Jesus has no problem with this emotionally intense intimacy. He accepts the affection and stands up for these women when they are criticized by the men. When the woman with the issue of blood plans to quietly, unobtrusively be lost in the crowd, Jesus ensures that she is not only healed, but also heard. He gives her space to tell her story in front of a whole crowd of people This is the only time that a healing is accompanied by a lengthy conversation, but giving her a voice is so important to Jesus that he is willing to stop everything else in order that she be heard. The relationship between the women in the Gospels and Jesus continues its unique character after his death. The emotional strength of his female friends makes them the main players during and after the crucifixion. They are at the cross, while most of the men have run away in fear. Their devotion continues after his death.

They get up, very early in the morning, to take the spices to make sure that his body is treated with the love and proper respect that it deserves. Despite knowing there will be a huge stone and a contingent of guards standing in their way when they get there, they are heading to his tomb at the very first moment the law will allow. and the consequence is that they are the first people to witness the resurrection. Jesus first appears to a woman. The cultural implications of this are significant. Women were not regarded as competent to testify in a court of law They were seen as unreliable witnesses, and yet it was to them that Jesus first appeared. Perhaps he was making a point. This is a personal view, and you will likely notice other things, but here are some that stand out to me.

First, authenticity. There is a complete lack of posturing in the encounters between Jesus and the women we meet in the Gospels. There is no power play or prevarication. They are simply who they are. They are straight talking, and Jesus seems to really appreciate that about them. I notice confidence and boldness. These are women who say what they think and ask for what they want. Jesus is not only comfortable with this boldness and confidence, he actually seems to welcome and enjoy it. Sometimes he's actually egging them on.

When we look at his encounter with the Syriophoenician woman, he goads her into greater bluntness and boldness than she was perhaps planning to show, and then, when she matches his insult with confidence and wit, he congratulates her. and the woman who was planning to be invisible, the one with the issue of blood, Jesus actively draws out so that her voice is heard. Thirdly, there is a no holds barred passion and devotion Women anointed his feet, stood around the cross, and rushed to the tomb to anoint his body. Jesus is completely comfortable with these expressions of emotion.

More than that, there must have been something about him that made this not only just possible, but natural and authentic. You really have to know that it's going to be okay before you go crying over someone's feet in public. So what do we learn about being a follower of Jesus and a woman from the Gospels? That you can be yourself, you can be bold, you can say what you think. And Jesus is a safe person with whom to express and share your deepest feelings in whatever way is comfortable for you. He loves you, and he loves that you love him. If you're not quite ready to express yourself and have your voice heard, you might just find Jesus gently helping you to make that possible. If you have been told that friendship with Jesus is all about being submissive and gentle, then look at these encounters between Jesus and the women in his life and think again.

Jesus and masculinity. There is a dynamic that is missed by those who argue that the Bible teaches male headship For all the emphasis within certain circles on biblical manhood, I haven't often heard much said about the ways in which Jesus demonstrates healthy masculinity. Descriptions of biblical manhood are usually a mixture of cultural stereotypes and references to the letters of Paul. The resulting list of desirable manly characteristics comprises such things as strength, protecting, defending, fighting, and leading. So what happens if we take Jesus and his teachings as a way of exploring healthy functional manliness? Given that Jesus was, like us, living in a culture with a centuries-long heritage of patriarchy, I am interested in what we might learn from the differences between the way Jesus relates to men and the way he relates to women. Jesus is often affirming women, allowing space for them to speak, encouraging them in their boldness, standing up for them. When he's talking to men, we're far more likely to find him challenging their ideas about power.

There's the occasion when he stands a little child in their midst, and explains that to get into the kingdom they needed to be like little children. There are the times when the disciples are having conversations about which of them is the greatest, and he seeks to correct their understanding. The day that Peter tries to tell Jesus he's wrong about needing to die, and Jesus tells him to, Get behind me, Satan. I think the difference is about power rather than gender per se. Throughout his life Jesus includes the excluded, welcomes the outcast, and gives dignity to the powerless. He contrasts the kingdom, where the first shall be last, and the last shall be first, with the Empire, where power and wealth rules.

So, while men tend to be the ones with power and influence and often need challenging to be more humble, women are often the ones without power or voice, and Jesus affirms their humanity and raises them up. Here are some of the things I have noticed. The first thing that deserves attention is what is missing. Almost all the traditionally held assumptions about the roles of women and men are based on certain readings of the epistles. You simply can't find that stuff in the teaching of Jesus. Nowhere in the Gospels do we hear Jesus telling men that they need to be in charge at home or in their worshipping communities. Neither do we hear him telling women that they should submit to men.

Given how much the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood bangs on about the way men and women need to divide the roles of being in charge and being submissive, and how there will be a complete breakdown of marriage society in the church if they don't, it's an interesting omission. Jesus might not have been interested in power, but the disciples most certainly were. We see them jostling for position. At one point, apparently egged on by their mother, James and John request top spot in the kingdom of heaven We can learn a lot from Jesus' response. You don't know what you are asking, Jesus said. Can you drink the cup I drink, or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with? We can, they answered.

Jesus said to them, You will drink the cup I drink, and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with. But to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared. When the ten heard about this, they became indignant with James and John. Jesus called them together and said, You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them Not so with you.

Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be the first must be slave of all for even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. That's in Mark 10. First, Jesus asks what he evidently believes to be the more pertinent question. Can you drink the cup I drink? by which he meant the suffering and humiliation he was going to endure. He is saying, in other words, that power and position is not what his kingdom is about. Rather it's about humility. Then he points out his own lack of authority.

To sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. Seeking power and influence is not something that he does. As it says in Philippians, Christ Jesus, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant. And finally, he contrasts the kingdom with the way the world works. If we take Jesus' teaching seriously, we find that just about every preserve of walked self centred, power crazy, posturing masculinity is systematically taken apart. The Sermon on the Mount, which you can find in Matthew's Gospel, chapters five to seven, reads like an obituary for almost everything we have traditionally viewed as manly. Forget accumulating wealth, for it is the poor who are blessed. And earth is not the place to store treasure, it gets nicked and goes rusty.

Far better to store up treasure in heaven. And in any case, you don't need to worry about what you're going to wear and what you're going to eat. If you seek the kingdom, the rest of what you need will come anyway. Are you seeking power and prestige? Bad luck, it's the meek the humble, who will inherit the earth, and you are blessed when you are mocked and persecuted for being a follower of Jesus. Do you think that real men don't change their minds or admit their mistakes in case they look weak? Jesus' message is about repentance, which is admitting that you're heading in the wrong direction and turning around and going the other way. Do you believe that real men will fight for their honour, take revenge, and sort out their enemies?

That's not how Jesus sees it. He tells us to love our enemies, not to take revenge, not to resist the evil person, but instead if you get hit, offer to take a second blow, and if you get sued for your shirt, give your coat as well And if you were in any doubt about whether Jesus meant it or not, he says that it's not just acts of violence that are a problem, it's the anger that leads to them. Proud of your sex drive? Better to pluck out your eyes than ogle a woman who isn't your wife, according to Jesus. Do you like talking up your accomplishments? Pointing out all the marvellous things you've done? Doing acts of charity so that people know whose money paid for them? Telling stories where you get to be the hero, even if it wasn't quite like that?

Well, Jesus said you should do your giving and your praying away from the glare of publicity, and points out that flashy shows of religious power will count for nothing in the end. In the kingdom it is about substance and not spin. So if all those things that are so often seen as integral to masculinity are not getting through the door in the kingdom, what does it look like to be a man and a follower of Jesus? If to be a follower of Jesus is to be like him, what can we learn about manliness from his life? Well, there is no lack of physical or moral courage displayed in the life of Jesus. If you want a model for courage, you need look no further. I am awestruck by the fortitude with which he approached the last week of his life and his final destiny. Everything he did in that week was calculated to get the result that was required his arrest and crucifixion.

He rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, knowing what signal that would send to the religious leaders and how they would react. And then he marched into the temple courts and turned the tables over. On his final night he made sure he was away from the city where he could be arrested quietly without rousing the attention of the crowds. And through all of this he managed to keep enough of a lid on his fear to behave with grace, dignity, compassion, and wisdom to every one around him. We see him experiencing true terror in the Garden of Gethsemane, but that's about the only time, and he doesn't let it stand in the way of what he has come to do. Although Jesus' courage is seen most clearly in the last week of his life, it is evident throughout. He lives a public life where the threat of death is never far away, but he never shrinks from speaking truth to power, no matter how unpopular it makes him with those who want him dead.

When he travels towards Jerusalem to go to Mary, Martha, and the more than terminally ill Lazarus, the threat is so great that Thomas believes that they are walking to their death. He isn't joking when he says, Let us also go, that we may die with him. There is the memorable occasion when he annoyed the people of his hometown so much they took him to a cliff, intending to throw him off, and an occasion when his teaching annoyed his audience so much that they tried to stone him. And let's not forget that before Jesus even begins his public ministry, there's a stint in the wilderness. To spend forty days in an inner hospitable environment like that without food or comfort is quite a challenge. It must have required huge reserves of strength, endurance and courage.

There were surely easier ways to prepare for his ministry had he chosen to take them. Perhaps there is something of the adventurous spirit in Jesus. He's often climbing mountains in order to pray. His ministry involves a great deal of travelling from place to place, without any assurance that there will be food and shelter at the end of each day. When people are wanting to follow him, he points out that he doesn't have a permanent place to stay. He said, Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. Jesus is never arrogant, but he is most certainly confident and self-assured. His secure sense of self means that he is never in the business of protecting his ego or his reputation.

That enables him to teach and speak with integrity, and to engage with anyone, no matter who they are. He's never worried that speaking to one person might tarnish his image with someone else. It was this that enabled him to be so welcoming and inclusive to everyone. All his interactions are free from self-protective fear. I think this is one of the things that leaves him free to really listen to and engage with the people he meets. Jesus' teaching is marked by his confidence in who he is and what he has come to do and to say. He is completely assured about his message. so much so that he is described as teaching with authority and not like the teachers of the law. Obviously we don't have the advantage of knowing what the teachers of the law were like, but we know that the certainty and authority with which he spoke set him apart.

I think one should be careful about emulating Jesus' certainty, given that he is divine and generally infallible, and we're not. But arrogance free confidence is a positive trait, and it's one that we see in the disciples after Pentecost. Jesus is also, alongside his confidence, willing to be vulnerable. His brilliant conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well happens because he needs a drink of water and he asks for help. His incarnation did not include a bodyguard, and he made no attempt to manage his reputation. In my meanders through the internet in preparation for writing this, I have come across a lot of descriptions of Christian manliness that include being in control of your emotions, along with suggestions that expressing emotion is more a feminine trait.

Jesus, on the other hand, was very comfortable with the expression of emotion. We know that he wept in public. We also know that John, at the last supper, sat with his head on Jesus' breast. That is a level of physical intimacy that we are not used to seeing among men, but was evidently normal for Jesus. So there you have it Jesus' guide to healthy masculinity, and from what we read, the male disciples certainly followed his example.

One of the reasons we know the disciples weren't interested in posturing and maintaining a good reputation, for instance, is that the gospel accounts are incredibly open about their flaws. When you think about it, that is rather remarkable. The material for the gospel stories must have come largely from the disciples themselves, from stories that had been passed on orally. it would have been so very natural to just slightly airbrush the narrative to remove the more embarrassing gaffes, like Peter denying he knew Jesus after his arrest, or the incident when James and John, egged on by their mum, asked for the most important seats in heaven. Then there was the time when Peter offered to build shelters for Elijah and Moses on the Mount of Transfiguration. Any movement would quite like his significant founding fathers to be seen in the best possible light. Anyone in Peter's shoes would surely be tempted, when telling the walking on water story, to miss out the bit about getting scared and sinking. Just like Jesus, the disciples were not precious about their reputation or their social standing. They simply told it like it was, and the result is that we have a warts and all story, and the gospels are so much richer because of it.

Hope you enjoyed this episode of the Loved Called Gifted podcast. If you'd like to get in touch, you can email lovedcalledgifted at gmail. com. You can find a transcript of this podcast at lovedcalledgifted. com and that's also the place to go if you're interested in the Loved Called Gifted course or if you'd like to find out about spiritual direction or coaching. Thank you for listening.